I just want to be of service. I just want to play. I just want to be me. I just want to connect with the souls I am here to play with, meant to co-create with, meant to build the New Earth with. I just want to speak the truth, always in love. I just want to be an open vessel.
To be a clear channel, without agenda, without obstruction. I just want to be the light I am. I just want to receive it all. I just want to reflect the truth we are all here to share and remember together. I just want to be at ease. I just want to feel deep peace. I just want to be.
With nothing to prove. No one to convince, not even myself,
Simply showing up in every moment following whatever desire is arising, knowing all pulls of the heart are my innocence seeking expression and self-remembrance.
Id love to forget all the programming thats ever been ingrained to have me speak like someone else, act like anyone but myself, or worst of all – taught me to manipulate others into believing some illusion that I myself didn’t even ever fully buy into but kept thinking something was wrong with me for not getting it when so many others i selectively chose to tune into were somehow claiming wild success with the same strategy.
I come from immense, deep, generations-long repeated histories of trauma, addiction, neglect, abuse, abandonment, emotional extremism..and all the wounds passed down from mother to daughter, from father to son, underlying.
The veil has been lifted on the extent to which I grew up in normalized dysfunction – I had to de-sensitize myself to just how immense the impact was or else my entire reality would have fallen apart.
Survival is like that you know. We can turn off and tune out so much of our depth if we know at some level that doing so is required to simply make it through life as a human let along dependent child, just one more day.
Its wild to finally let the feelings flow – the repressed sadness, anger, grief, and all the layers in between that were never allowed to come out because there was never a safe space for them to land. And this body didn’t learn safety ever, didn’t learn how to take care of itself as it really needed, didn’t learn to see-sense-know-affirm itself or its own existence even..without first checking out everyone else around for the validation required.
Before anything else can happen, vet external conditions and people for safety-security-validation..is the utmost requirement for this operating system to function.
To move forward within and at times to even see the path forward into this new earth vibration that is already here when we still ourselves enough to feel it, sense it, know it..requires completely healing which really means completely feeling and transmuting and moving these memories, imprints, traumas, patterns, and all subsequent thought-forms-beliefs-energies-cycles-programs implicit therein.
Sometimes the feelings that have been repressed for so long in this body for this entire life feel so immense there is only a terror arising at the possibility of even meeting just a glimmer of the energy that is inevitably arising and amplifying as each day passes.
An aspect of this consciousness registers a release of that magnitude as akin to physical death, and so terror is to be expected as entire identities created around these imprints are coming to the surface to be cleaned and cleared. Restructured into true-authentic-presence, or, simply, you. Who you are underneath the stories, memories, DNA inheritance, and all the implicit genetic baggage.
But the magical, beautiful, miracle of it all continues to show itself as an unfathomable resilience, a regenerative super power innate within all beings, within our being: mysteriously meeting you in the healing field as you seek to go deeper within – the energy you were at first terrified to meet and witnessed resistance arise to protect you from going all in, soon dissipates with a simple breathe all the way in, reminding the nervous system – the portal to divine innocence embodied – that I am safe, I am here, I am now. All is well. All that is not me is simply releasing, leaving, clearing, integrating, transmuting, alchemizing. All is well. I am here.
With all the layers I have seen and transmuted, just when I thought I was near the end of a program – an imprint – a way of being – a grand transmutation – a breakthrough, more material will surely reveal itself. Creating space is funny like that. And many of us certainly signed up for the PHD program of transmutation and alchemy in this life as we re-member and re-claim our divinity, sovereignty, liberation, full presence.
We are here to anchor great light, indeed. We are here to re-code entire generations of humanity for the rest of existence through our being. We are pioneering a new consciousness that has never experienced being in a body, completely, like this. We are learning as we go. We are uncovering our mastery – alchemist tool set – our divine laboratory of multidimensional healing and all the meanwhile compassionately always remembering, our humanness. Our little one. Our inner mother, our inner father – meeting perhaps for the first time, like this, now.
I am humbled. I am ready. I am receiving. I am here <3
Keep going x
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