Heard a story today that meant so much. I’ll try to paraphrase:
When the earth was created God and the angels were figuring out where to plant parts of God on the planet to watch over them. The place had to be secret, safe and secluded.
At first they thought – we’ll put God on the mountain top to watch out over everything from up high. But no, that wouldn’t work, they thought. Humans would eventually figure out how to climb to the top and surely they’d find God up there.
How about under the ocean, all the way at the bottom of the sea? Well, that wouldn’t work either because surely humans would eventually develop technology to get all the way down there too, where, inevitably, they’d find God waiting.
How about in the sky? God can sit up there and watch over everyone, hidden by the clouds and hey, no one really looks up there anyways so it sounds safe. But no, that doesn’t work because God wouldn’t have a clear enough view of what’s really happening on the ground – which is the whole point of this mission after all.
Finally they had an epiphany. Put God inside each and every living being on the planet – they’ll never think to look inside.
When I heard this today it hit me hard. I had a profound realization that lately I had been looking for so many answers outside of myself.
This week has been a roller coaster of emotions. Some days I am elated with joy and gratitude for everything that is – I’m living in a magical dreamy villa in BALI, I mean..does it get any better?
Other days I have been feeling ungrounded and filled with a likely natural human-fear of adapting to a completely new environment, culture and routine.
I haven’t been letting myself feel how intense this shift really is. Instead I’ve been pushing through a lot of it chasing the good feelings and more than that, chasing this saving face old-behavior completely focused on “looking good.” Maybe if I look good and sound good I will FEEL good too. This is such an old tape, I can’t even tell you how old. Like ANCIENT.
This energy also manifests as being crazy productive and busy-ing myself with work and what I think is creativity but can actually just be a big old distraction from feeling my feelings (which, secret, is the only way to let them really process and PASS).
And underneath it all there’s a void needing to be filled. A certain special loneliness that I am so good at cultivating, like a pro. I’ve had lifetimes of practice, trust me. It’s all too familiar.
Maybe the answer is in a material objective, a reward, a sense of validation I could reap from someone else, getting more attention for things I am creating and sharing, getting more money deposited into my bank account, more new clients lining up to sign new contracts.
When will I feel FULL? What will finally make me feel SAFE?
Eventually I return to the answer which is so simple: It’s always an INSIDE JOB.
The answer is never outside of myself. It’s never in a material object, attention or opportunities.
It’s God. Good Orderly Direction. Spiritual connection. Divine guidance. Intuition.
It’s my spiritual connection to the divine source of inspiration that powers everything I am and all that I am here to do. And this I can only access by going within.
Sometimes I need other people to help get me there. Because God is in you too. And sometimes I need a mirror to remind me of who I am and that I actually already have everything I could possible need. I have it all already, it’s all right here.
What a funny thing to forget I am the entire universe encapsulated in a physical form. Or that I am pure love and light, here to manifest magic and miracles. Such is our birthright. Anything not coming from this space of infinite abundance is simply not true.