On Sunday I was tearing up from overflowing vibes of gratitude. Then I caught this article on the science behind happy crying, aka MY LIFE. Ya feel? I taught my first yoga class that afternoon – an official one at that filled with all levels of practitioners, and some rather advanced yogis! They had no idea what we were about to get into. Little did they know – that was to be my first class ever! I had taught pieces before and studied a bunch and of course I’ve had my own practice for close to a decade – but I’m not sure anything can really prepare you for that first experience teaching a full hour. No matter how much I’ve studied and practiced I had to push through the nerves and just go all in. I tried to remember my mom’s brilliant advice to approach it all with fun. That’s the whole point of why I do anything anyway I think. It’s like The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up – I only want to pursue things that absolutely bring me joy.
I was so excited for class I actually had a vivid dream the night before that I sucked so bad the owner of the studio was reassuring students not to worry because I would never be invited back to teach again. The sense of humiliation and failure was so profound it was almost like it had all really happened and I woke up with a slight subsequent emotional hangover. It’s funny how fear can surface like that. I woke up laughing because I know the dream is just a way for my subconscious to work itself out. I know now, miraculously, that the only way out of the fear is through. This too shall pass – it always has and always will. But hey, enjoy the moment because every bit of it is so worth savoring. Just think, this moment right now, wherever you are reading this, will never happen exactly like this ever again. So just breathe and be where you are, and be all there. I think I learned how to do that in yoga.
That’s what I told myself as I was teaching, even as I hesitated at times and maybe made a few mistakes – but then again maybe there are no mistakes, especially in yoga. All of it is learning and creativity. No one noticed anyways, all the yogis were totally immersed in their own practices. In fact one woman was straight up doing her own class – which made me think – am I not interesting enough? It’s funny how teaching is such a metaphor for life – so much of my ego related challenges popped up. Are they listening to me? Am I sounding good? Do they like me? Am I doing this right? Did I just ruin everything? Do I suck? Then my fraud complex pops up on ultra high volume, asking: who do you think you are? I don’t know about you but my mind can go from 0 to 100 real quick – like one moment I’m teaching a yoga class like I’ve always dreamed and the next my mind is asking me if I am going to fail at every single new venture I ever try again. Queue the mental imagery of humiliation at a mass (probably publicized) level, then homelessness and then dying alone probably somewhere freezing outside on the corner of a road. Seriously, my imagination is on another level.
Thank god for meditation and yoga though, saving my life everyday. In fact did you know that the whole point of yoga is to set your body and mind up for meditation? With my meditation practice especially I’ve learned so many helpful tools to not only calm my immensely overactive (prone to fear and anxiety) creative mind but also techniques for rewriting certain narratives and programming I’ve been conditioned with since day one (namely around self-love, self-worth, money, relationships and of course, the fear permeating all of the above). If you’d like to learn more I’m so happy to share. In fact something I really want to create soon are videos on meditation, sharing techniques that have absolutely helped transform my outlook, beliefs and overall energy.
And now for a special surprise:
I’m offering private 1:1 sessions fusing meditation, yoga, Reiki energy healing and life coaching to anyone interested in deepening their practice and receiving guidance on healing and holistic strategies for living the happiest, healthiest life possible. Get in touch if you’d like to make magic.
I mean – why not take all your favorite things and package them up all beautifully as a custom offering to help people I love heal and love themselves on a profound level? Dream life, yes please.
So the magic memo for this time around? FEAR = false evidence appearing real. And the only way out is through. And if you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done. If you’re feeling scared about something but it really maybe feels more like excitement, that’s likely a clear sign your soul is probably aching for you to take action. How do you get clarity to tune in and really know in your heart if you need to do something? Meditate, ask, and be prepared to get an answer that may surprise you (or even more likely, get confirmation of a deep truth you knew all along). Need help getting some clarity? I’m here if you need me, just shout. I’d love nothing more than to help offer guidance and support to you on your journey of epic discovery and growth, that’s what life is all about after all.
Here’s my [dope-zen-chill-vibes] playlist from my first yoga class ever when it was turned down too low, so make sure you turn it ALL THE WAY UP.
As always, deeply grateful for your eyes and hearts’ attention to my musings. My mission is simply to touch, move and inspire as many people as I possibly can so that they might go out and do similarly with many others. Or even with just one person, that’s all it takes to start a ripple. Loving you forever, my soul fam of magic makers! Keep doing it <3