There’s nothing like walking out my door on the way to the train and being immediately amidst all the sights and sounds I’ve known since I was 9. It’s not always the same in NYC, where I’m still getting my bearings depending on the neighborhood and notoriously confusing turned around subway exits. Before this trip home, a lengthy one at that, I was seriously feeling antsy and considering the possibility of making the move home to the Bay – maybe in a year or two. I mean, why not? People always ask me if I ever plan on moving back anyways and which place do I prefer – the best coast or the constant, never sleep adventures of NYC? I’ve never really been able to decide my answer to that question. They’re both so different.
But I do know that I belong in NYC right now. My life is there. My purpose is really taking shape there. Maybe I’ve finally put roots down somewhere. I’ve always felt this deep feeling like I’m not actually where I’m supposed to be – that the place where I really fit in is somewhere else, preferably in Bali or Maui. Definitely a beach, with beautiful sand, cute surfers, palm trees and an abundance of carefree chill time. I’ve come to learn over the years, truthfully with help from a lot of people and dedicated practice and introspection, that I actually just naturally have this underlying energy with me all the time. I have this driving force that pushes me to move forward, to seek new things, to grow. Ultimately it’s a positive force that pushes me to be ambitious and take risks and accelerate towards awesome goals. But the downside is this restlessness which sometimes manifests as a genuine reason to uproot and make drastic changes. In the past this has served me well – like the time I decided in one month to move from Santa Barbara to NYC in the middle of the gnarliest winter ever (like legit, blizzard zone). That move ended up being one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, without a doubt.
But today, in my beautiful dreamy life where I have a home I absolutely love, relationships beyond my wildest dreams, a pretty dope job (plus some fun side hustles), a community based on respect, support and love and finally a feeling of really being grounded – I can still get caught up in restlessness. Just last week I had an awesome convo with someone from Remote Year – what a cool program! I love the whole concept, it’s potentially something I want to do someday for sure but really I just wish I had the idea and created the organization, I mean – it’s right up my alley. You travel the world with 75 people, hitting one country per month for a year. Remote Year provides all the amenities and plans logistics such as travel and accommodations and events with local communities – the only caveat being that all participants need to be consistently engaged in remote work of some kind (either with a company or with their own business venture). Participants pay about $2K per month to roll with the crew – not even close to living expenses of NYC or SF, practically a steal! Plus, you get the priceless experience of learning and growing with other like minded people crazy enough to take this kind of wild adventure around the world, learning from new cultures and sharing unique experiences along the way.
I know that someday I want to have this kind of experience, but not right this moment. I’m also not sure if I want to go with a program although I do like the idea of sharing the commitment with a big group of people – what a cool opportunity for creativity, collaboration and growth! All my favorite things, basically. Anyways, going through the restlessness and temporarily (slightly) manic excitement of this new possibility was exactly what I needed to experience to remember how amazing everything is right in this moment and that I am actually precisely where I am supposed to be. Sometimes I feel moved to consider the real possibility of selling all my stuff and taking off to travel the world for an indeterminate amount of time – but really all I need is a haircut, a new outfit or a new routine to get excited about. All is well, and I’m sticking to my current story – it’s just that good. I’m thankful for the patience and awareness to notice these kinds of impulsive tendencies I can still get sometimes. I used to just act immediately and get into all sorts of fun but mostly trouble. So, this week I’ve made some fun commitments to mix it up a bit – to create a new sense of adventure in my present life since that’s what I think I was yearning for underneath it all.