The last few weeks have felt like a deep recovery process – in truth I feel like I am getting sober again, like a newcomer all over again except this time instead of cleaning up drugs and alcohol I am cleaning up the entities that drove me to drink and check out in the first place.
These entities have led the development of much of my personality so it seems..I feel vulnerable to sharing what feels to be a new voice and a new way of truly being.
I feel at times like everything I’ve ever written and said here on elsewhere – especially on social media, in all my live streams and posts, my podcast, my book – was in fact a message to myself that I thought at the time I was writing to you, to help you awaken, to help humanity ascend.
Really when I look back so much of what I was teaching and sharing was a reminder to myself – trying as best I could at the time to give myself permission to stop, to be, to actually rest, to actually be present. To stop doing so much, to stop moving so fast.
When I first got sober 8+ years ago I didn’t really ever stop to heal or integrate all the feelings and unprocessed stuck stuff that had been running my life for 24 years. I had a full time job, I was living in NYC one of the most stressful overstimulating places on earth and I was fully all-in on AA and going to meetings everyday. I didn’t ever stop and for years I was actually afraid to be alone with myself because I didn’t actually know how to be.
In recovery – amongst many life-changing lessons and healing transformations I am grateful for -I learned the value of being entertaining and telling my story in a way that elicited attention and energy that I learned to feed off of, that I learned to source my value and worth from..I learned to be a great performer indeed.
Whose that underneath the performance?
Whose there underneath the neatly fitted story sharing enlightenment and awakening as though its this steps 1-3, ABC process that I can teach you in 8 weeks for only 2 payments of $222?
Whose there underneath all the doing, the noise, the expectations, the addiction to attention and sourcing love from outside of myself?
What I’ve found so far is that its still really hard to truly stop.
To truly be alone.
To truly rest.
Even when I have attempted to I am shown how much de-conditioning truly is required in this process of remembering.
What’s beautiful is that I have never felt more connected than now and over these last few weeks.
A deepened humility and vulnerability has allowed me to receive help from those I love and even those I don’t even know who have reached out and offered support.
It has been so easy over the years to be the one who gives support, who knows the answer, who has the way.
When in truth this is a team effort although my transformation is a solo journey in most moments, I wouldn’t be anywhere without my mirrors – friends and family – reflecting the truth when I can so easily forget what’s real.
In case you forgot: true abundance is feeling deeply connected to yourself in this present moment, trusting your heart, loving and accepting yourself, and enjoying nourishing fulfilling relationships right here and now.
Actually resting and restoring is a practice.
Sitting with yourself and being compassionate when the voice inside wants you to move and do and create and do more is a practice.
Forgiving yourself for all the moments you’ve held onto and all the new moments unfolding is a practice.
Asking for support and then genuinely receiving it is perhaps the most masterful practice of all.
Living your life, for you, on your terms completely – detached from everything you’ve been taught about who and what you should be and what qualifies as success and enough and valued and loved – wow, this is the journey indeed.
Forever humbled by this process. Forgiving myself for what I didn’t know then and what I certainly still don’t (and perhaps never will) know now. Forgiving myself for who I thought myself to be through your eyes instead of my own.
** I am excited to be making art again, ordered a lot of canvas to get jammin’ on my acrylic paintings..so grateful to re-connect with my spirit who loves paint parties. You can find my art – and more to come – on Society6 here, super fun because the art can be printed on anything you want – cups, prints, pillows, etc!! Basically making the things I’ve always wanted to have, ya know..: https://society6.com/sydneycampos
** I am hosting my 9 week Akashic Facilitator Training starting 4/30 in case you’re called to become a facilitator of this beautiful work..your own unique expression of energetic healing, intuitive guidance and tuning in with the known field of all that is, was and ever will be. Training starts with a 1:1 session to receive your attunement and begin the course work/study. Learn more + apply here or message me with any questions: https://sydneycampos.com/akashic-facilitator-training/
** I have loved supporting beautiful beings 1:1 in intuitive soul sessions over the last few weeks, this container feels to be the most authentic one I’ve created to play in thus far and I’m excited to witness it’s evolution as I come more into my true self/calling. Celebrating beautiful healings and revelations and of course fun synchronicities activated in our session vortexes over the last few weeks. Would love to share with you if you’re called: https://sydneycampos.com/2017/11/04/intuitive-soul-sessions/
Amen to finding a new voice. To practicing and being super awkward along the way. To signing up for the advanced transformation program in Earth School. To being a weirdo and a spiritual newcomer in so many ways – to not knowing anything, to being truly empty and practicing emptying out even more..and starting again, and again. Following what feels true
Did I write too much? LOL can you tell I’m writing a book?